Monday, March 12, 2018

Letting Go

I have blogged about letting go before. I think in reference to friendships, but also in letting go of actions, feelings, things, activities, thoughts that are not serving me.  I take an "inventory" of sorts, of things going on in my life, from time to time.  Just to make sure my goals are matching up with my actions.  Checking in to see how my goals have changed/evolved and what actions I need to continue, eliminate or begin, to move me toward my goals, or keep my in my ideal space. 

Where friendships are concerned, I have never been good at letting go, even when a friendship no longer serves me.  I think it has to do with losing my parents.  In June 1995 I lost my mother to a car accident and about 1 year and almost 5 months later I lost by father to suicide.  It seems like they happened almost simultaneously in my mind, even though they didn't .  I remember feeling like I was still grieving my mother's death, when my father passed.  And of course I realize now that I will never be free of that.  Feelings change but I will always in some way grieve that loss.

I think that particular loss has led me to hang onto friendships tighter.  You never know when you will lose someone or when someone else will enter your life.   But can I say, that with practice and patience with myself, releasing of friendships gets easier, and is so beneficial.  Just like other habits in my life, friendships can become habit and not enriching.  There are friendships that become toxic, to some extent and are draining and exhausting more than they are fulfilling and energizing. 

For me it is harder to recognize that point in time when I need to let go of a friendship, and harder yet to make that break.  But it so opens up my life to new possibilities, new relationships.  There are three things I tell myself:
1. Being in a "give" relationship (where I am constantly giving and not receiving), is not a friendship. 
2. I am worthy of being around uplifting people.
3. I do not need to chase friendships

Letting go of a friendships can be as beneficial to my life as letting go of a bad habit.  Letting go, leaves more room for opportunities.  While change can be stressful, it can be beautiful.  I think I need to add a friendship evaluation to my life inventory. 

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