Monday, March 12, 2018

Letting Go

I have blogged about letting go before. I think in reference to friendships, but also in letting go of actions, feelings, things, activities, thoughts that are not serving me.  I take an "inventory" of sorts, of things going on in my life, from time to time.  Just to make sure my goals are matching up with my actions.  Checking in to see how my goals have changed/evolved and what actions I need to continue, eliminate or begin, to move me toward my goals, or keep my in my ideal space. 

Where friendships are concerned, I have never been good at letting go, even when a friendship no longer serves me.  I think it has to do with losing my parents.  In June 1995 I lost my mother to a car accident and about 1 year and almost 5 months later I lost by father to suicide.  It seems like they happened almost simultaneously in my mind, even though they didn't .  I remember feeling like I was still grieving my mother's death, when my father passed.  And of course I realize now that I will never be free of that.  Feelings change but I will always in some way grieve that loss.

I think that particular loss has led me to hang onto friendships tighter.  You never know when you will lose someone or when someone else will enter your life.   But can I say, that with practice and patience with myself, releasing of friendships gets easier, and is so beneficial.  Just like other habits in my life, friendships can become habit and not enriching.  There are friendships that become toxic, to some extent and are draining and exhausting more than they are fulfilling and energizing. 

For me it is harder to recognize that point in time when I need to let go of a friendship, and harder yet to make that break.  But it so opens up my life to new possibilities, new relationships.  There are three things I tell myself:
1. Being in a "give" relationship (where I am constantly giving and not receiving), is not a friendship. 
2. I am worthy of being around uplifting people.
3. I do not need to chase friendships

Letting go of a friendships can be as beneficial to my life as letting go of a bad habit.  Letting go, leaves more room for opportunities.  While change can be stressful, it can be beautiful.  I think I need to add a friendship evaluation to my life inventory. 

Monday, March 5, 2018

Remember What's Important

I need that reminder, on occasion, even when I don't realize it consciously for myself.  That reminder of what is truly important in my life, what grounds me and gives me peace. I had that moment this weekend, you know, the Aha moment. 

A friend invited me and my family over to his home this weekend.  It was to look at a piece of equipment he thought my son could use for blacksmithing.  Of course I will probably use some too.  It was so generous of him, and my son said "it is like Christmas".  Don't you just love that.   While we were there, my friend and his wife, showed us their property, shared some of the history, and walked us around.  Then we sat for a while watching the chickens and talking. 

I love chickens.  Another friend and I call it "chicken TV". I could just sit and watch the chickens and their social antics and squawking, you just know they are communicating national secrets or something.

That trip this weekend really brought me back into the moment. Reminded me of what I really love and what I need more of in my life.  Sometimes I get caught up in what is important to other people, and forget what is important to me.  Forget how much I love being outside and just doing things on our property, mowing, gardening, weeding, watching my chickens.   Sometimes I get so busy with what others think "needs" to be done, and I forget what I need to do for myself and for my sanity.

It isn't some sort of conscious decision.  And when my boys were younger I was more in tune to what I wanted and needed in my life.  I am not a martyr.  I am not the type of person to sacrifice things that are important to me, for someone else.  I really do believe that to be able to share the best of me, I need to make sure that my needs are met, I need to create balance. 

My word for this year is balance. 

I knew that this would be a challenging year, stepping out of my comfort zone.  I knew that balance would be something I need to keep in check.  Make sure that this new venture isn't taking over.  I just hadn't realized how much it had taken over..until this weekend.  I am so grateful for this friend in my life.  I am so grateful for this experience and all that it has taught me.  I am sure he doesn't realize the true gift he and his wife gave me this weekend, and how truly thankful I am.   Or maybe he does, maybe he knew that I needed this break to bring me back to my center.   Either way, it was a deeply inspirational gift, one that I will keep with me always.  I will remember to always be true to my center.   Balance.