Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Release

I was listening to NPR this past weekend.  There was an interview with Ariel Levy, author of The Rules Do Not Apply

During the interview she was recounting a couple of life changing personal experiences.  A miscarriage at 5 months of pregnancy, and the loss of her marriage from her spouse's addiction. The interview was so interesting that I purchased the book and am just starting it now.  Toward the end of the interview she said something so profound, it made me stop and think.  The author talked about coming to the realization that those were things in her life over which she had no control. That all this time she was trying to change those things, and it was a futile attempt.  She had to let go of those circumstances, release that effort of control, and focus on those areas of her life which were under her control, those things she could impact to change her life situation.

She decided to let go, to release.  That word, release, was my word for the year 2014.  A thoughtful, life changing word for me. Releasing events, people, circumstances, effort, things, and making room for more, so much more.

It can be so freeing to let go.  Try it.  Really take inventory of your life, every aspect, your friends, your interests, your relationships, your living situation and make decisions.  Are these things working for you, are they moving you in a forward direction toward more.  Or are they wasted effort.  Are there areas you want to change over which you have control, or does that control fall somewhere else. Then make the conscious choice to let go, to release.  When you release you free up space in your head, in your life, in your day, for other relationships to blossom, for other ideas to percolate, for other interests to take root.  You free up time to work toward the change you want to see happen.  You free up energy to work on those areas that pull on your attention.  Great things happen when you make the choice to release that which is not serving you.

I need to revisit that space periodically.  Like a room in my house, it needs cleaning on a regular basis.  I need to focus energy on releasing, to make way for continued growth.  I am so looking forward to reading this book, and seeing her process.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Have Tos...

A friend of mine, on social media, posed a question a few days ago, on her page, 'what do your children have to spend their own personal money on.'  And that isn't an exact quote, but pretty close. I was going to respond, then I decided to hold back after I read a couple of the responses.  I was questioning my interpretation of her question and figured I had not understood what she was asking, so I passed it by. But couldn't help thinking about it over the course of the next several days.

As I read her question, in my own head, what I was hearing was "What options do your children have available on which to spend their own personal money."  I gathered after reading the responses, that the intended meaning was "what items do you, as the parent, make your children purchase with their own personal money."  Way different intent, and meaning.  I guess it does show how my thinking has evolved over my 23 years of parenting.  In thinking back to my own childhood, I would have taken that question to be a parenting question of force.  But in my evolution, I am happy to say, that my initial interpretation was one of options.  So much more freeing, so much more autonomy, less about control and judgment.  I am so pleased with my process and my thinking.  It really shows how what initially might take time and effort to change, will become a gut instinct.  That you really can change how you think and respond on a deep level, it may take time but it can be done and is worth every moment of effort.

As a reader, it also confirms, to me, why face to face interactions are important, and on line conversations can be difficult, for me.  You can't always read an intent.

Back to the question, the answer I was going to leave in response, would have been something like...
"Lots of things.  My children have lots of interests and save some of their money, they do enjoy purchasing new computer games, steam games.  They also choose books or at times art supplies. Those are some of the choices they make about spending their own personal money."  I won't get into the "have to" aspect as my boys have never "had to" do anything.  When issues arise we work on them as a family, and that includes money issues.  A topic for another day.