Monday, July 25, 2016

Feeling Guilty

Have you ever had that feeling just pop up out of nowhere in the middle of the day.  I am not a "guilt" kind of person.  I mean if I feel guilty about something I have done or said, or not done or said, I apologize if appropriate, and/or change my behavior or my head space.  I do something different, try to move feelings around a bit.  And not hang in that guilt feeling.

But today I am not feeling well.  feeling really tired and...I don't even know how to explain how I physically feel, but like I am just worn down right now.  So I am doing some resting today.  I feel like my body is telling me to take it easy, not push it.  I am honoring that feeling.  But out of nowhere this afternoon, I started feeling this overwhelming guilt.  Like I should be up and doing things, anything, something.  I should be outside doing yard work, or cleaning or more cooking.  Like I am being some kind of poor example for my boys.

Even though I know this isn't the case.  I know I am being a good example by taking care of myself when I need it.  I am showing them that they, also, should put themselves at the top of their priority list. By taking care of myself more today, I will have that extra energy when they need me to help them.  Now I do want to say, that neither of my boys sees me the way I am feeling right now.  It is just one of those "all the thoughts that run through my head" kind of days.

Maybe writing it out here will help, maybe not.  I am sure this feeling will pass, and I am sure my energy will pick up. But for now I need to take things slower today, and I know this.  I am not going to give into the guilt and push myself beyond what my body is telling me to do today.  But I wish the feeling would hurry up and move on.  Guilt is certainly an exhausting feeling in and of itself, and one I am glad I don't feel often.

I hope you all are having a restful day if you need it today.

No comments: