Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Hawksbill Hike...Mother's Day Update

Mother's Day was good this year.  Twice I started crying, but for the most part I just enjoyed the day with my family.  We did hike Hawksbill, which was amazing.  The drive there we passed a couple of cemeteries, hard not to think about my own mother and all that she is missing, and me missing her.  But while hiking and picnicking at the top, how can you feel anything but grounded to this magnificent earth and at the same time feel like you have wings and can fly. Amazing views, I mean truly incredible.  There were a few other people hiking as well, but not many.  It was a great few hours getting away.

And in the evening, just sitting and watch something on TV with my family, I broke down crying again. Not sure at what, but it almost felt like I HAD to cry it out, so I did, and was done with it.  I just had to sit with those feelings for just a moment.  I feel like it was a release, and then by Monday morning I really felt like a weight was lifted off my heart.  Things felt right and normal again.  I may just need to get used to these feelings.  You would think that after 20 years of not having my mother on Mother's Day, I would learn to live in this world without her.  But it doesn't seem to get easier on these special days.  I celebrate her and share the joy that I found in her and at the same time miss her so deeply, miss talking to her, miss hugging her, miss that my boys will never know what it is like to have grandparents.  So many things.

I do love being a mother, I wish I could have been a mother and a daughter at the same time, but that isn't how my life worked out.  I had a beautiful Mother's Day and really feel like I am moving in the right directions with this celebration.  I hope to look back on these posts as the years pass and change my plans to make this day even more special for me.  But for now, it was what it was and I am happy, and life is just so good.  I, of course, took pictures to share.  You will agree, the view is breathtaking!

Lunch, of course, was the fabulous Mountain Burrito!

My view for lunch.

And these were my Mother's Day flowers.  Jackson picked them up at the farmer's market, just perfect.

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