Wednesday, May 13, 2015

"Is there something you need to let go of, explain"

This is a cooperative blogging post, so please if you would like to jump in and share your "answer" to today's thought provoking question, leave a link to your blog or a comment on my post. I would love to see what you have to say.

So.... "Is there something you need to let go of?, Explain.", is the question for today.  And this came at just the perfect time.  I mentioned in an earlier post that I have been in a funk lately, it really lifted the day after mother's day.  DUH!!  How come it takes so long for some light bulbs to turn on? I think Saturday and Sunday were particularly hard for me, I just felt like I was riding on the edge of tears for two days, sometimes breaking down and crying for no reason at all (in my mind).

I have never had a mother's day being a mother with a mother.  My very first mother's day was spent in Germany.  My mother was alive then but she was so very far away.  We talked on the phone but that was it. All mother's day celebrations since that one have been without my own mother.  And have all had a touch of sadness mixed in with the wonderful joy of being a mother.  I love being a mother, it is one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I love watching my wonderful men grow.  So I have never really understood why mother's day has been so hard for me.  After mother's day is over I always feel a little let down, a little relieved and a lot less pressure.  I don't know why these feelings happen.  But they do.

I feel the loss of my own mother all the time.  Although it isn't overwhelming, and I have learned to live in a world without her.  I have learned that I can hold more than one emotion, in my heart, at the same time.  So I can feel sadness as well as joy, together, side by side.  But why is mother's day so much harder than any other day.  I haven't figured that out yet.  But it hit me this past weekend that it is mother's day that is so hard, specifically.  And the week leading up to mother's day is hard as well.  That part I am just figuring out.

I really would love to work on letting go of any expectations I have surrounding mother's day.  I would love to let go of the "tradition" that I have created for myself, of mixed emotions, feeling heavy, feeling weighted down and on the edge of tears.  I want to let go of all of that.

Letting go, for me, will involve creating a different reality.  So next year things will be different, I will start to create a new tradition of mother's day. I will let go of that pain.  I will celebrate my mother, and being a mother.  That day will be different for me.  I hope to share  a wonderful, joy-filled "new" mother's day with you all next year.

If you would like to read my friend, Nancy's, answer to this question, please visit her blog, A Present Moment.  

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Sitting with the Feelings

The last few days I have been in a funk.  Nothing I can put my finger on, sort of a sad feeling.  I can't tell you why, nothing has "happened", nothing is going on.  I can't even really say it is definitely a sad feeling, feels like a mix of emotions, nothing dramatic, but leaving me feeling out of sorts a little.

It might be easier if I could identify a source.  So instead, I have been just sitting with these feelings, just letting them wash over me.  I know it will pass.  And really it feels like it is starting to pass now.

I think seeing friends yesterday helped.  Sometimes getting together with friends takes energy away.  Other times it is very relaxing and effortless.  Yesterday it felt very natural and effortless.   I enjoy those times when there is no feeling of needing to make conversation, things can flow more organically.  I like when silence feels really OK, those times and those friends.  It just felt like a nice breath of fresh air.

So the feelings are passing by, no rush, no needing to "fix" anything, just passing through and on by.