Wednesday, July 23, 2014

If I Could Do One Day Over Which One Would It Be........

hmmmm that really isn't a hard choice.  But the reasoning may not be what you would think.  There are days I have not made good choices, things have gone wrong etc.  And many would think I would choose to do over the day my mother died, so I could call and warn her and avoid all the pain.  But really I wouldn't.  I think the events of that day have shaped me in many, many ways.  That grief makes me who I am today, makes me so much more compassionate, caring and loving as a person, to/for complete strangers as well as family and friends.

I know that if either of my parents were still alive, we would not be living in North Carolina, we would be in Maine.  We would not have the friends that we have now, our lives would be so much different, who knows where that path might have taken us.

No, the day I would do over is the last day I spent with my mom.  The last day she spent (her and my dad) in Germany with us.  They helped us move from Frankfurt to Augsburg, Dallen was around 6 months old I believe, maybe a little younger.  I do remember the morning we took them to the airport, goodbyes like that were always hard, I cried and cried, not knowing it was the last time I would see her, but just knowing she was leaving.  I don't regret anything about that trip, or our relationship, I know my mom loved me and she knew that I loved her, we were very open about that.  But if I could do that last day over, I would soak up as much of her as I could.  I would have stayed up all night talking with her.  I would have etched her face in my mind, I would have asked her so many questions.  We had a wonderful visit then, but I would have just packed in more hugs, had I known they would be the last we would share. Although I am not sure I would ever get enough.

Yup, that would be the day I would do over if I could.  But I can't, so I am moving on with today, in this moment now.

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