I picked a random video to have on in the background yesterday while I was balancing the checkbook and paying bills, one of my least favorite chores. It was a Grey's Anatomy episode, actually I think it was one of the last episodes, or the last episode. Anyway, it was the one where Cristina Yang is leaving.
At one point toward the end of the episode Cristina says "He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun, you are." I think sometimes it is just so nice to hear that, and that must be why that one particular video was the one I picked to be background to my moment. I must have needed to hear that, at that particular time, to remind me. I AM THE SUN. I am the center of my universe.
It took me a while, in my younger years, to really "get" that. Being brought up with a Christian mom, I was taught the song "Jesus and others and you...put yourself third and spell joy." Raised to believe that I must put myself last to be worthy. Not sure worthy of what. So it took time to break that programming and come to understand that I need to put myself first, I need to nourish myself, I need to believe that I am important, if I ever expect my children to believe they are important. They need to see a confident mom who takes care of herself. Once I make myself the center of my universe I can give so much more to those around me, and enjoy it, and cherish it, and love it. No martyr here. And I am fortunate in that I discovered my truth before having children.
I do not depend on anyone else to be the center of my universe, I AM THE SUN!
If you want to see that clip you can watch it below, the part I love is found around the 2:30 mark.