Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Hanging onto Friendships

Making friends is hard for me.  As an introvert, it is hard to just jump out there, talk to strangers and even more terrifying, risk exposing my true self.  LOL.  So when I do invest in friendships it is hard for me to let the natural ebb and flow of friendships follow.  I know friends come into our lives and step out again for different reasons.  The friends I had in high school I would have no idea where they were if it weren't for connections on social media.  The friends I had when I was in the Army, well I remember most of their names but that is about it.  While we were living in Germany I didn't really have any close friends.  I had two babies, and most of my time and energy was invested in them.

After relocating to North Carolina I made friends based around my children, how we parented, our homeschooling journey.  But now some of those friendships seem like they are fading away.  I realize that is a natural part of life, growth, and change.  But it is hard for me.  I have no family that is close, geographically, so I invest in friendships.  I tell myself that friends are not family.  And I know with some friends they seem closer than family, but I know, that no matter what, and no matter how little we talk, my family is always there.  With friends it doesn't feel the same, not the same shared history.

I am working to look at things from a different angle, and have been journaling about this over the past couple of weeks.  Instead of being sad over what seems like a loss of friendships, I am trying to be grateful that they held such a wonderful and precious space in my life, served a purpose.  Maybe it is time for me to reach out and form new friendships, I guess time will tell.  It really feels like a loss buy maybe it is just a natural pause.  Maybe it is time to invest some of that energy elsewhere. Cherish what was, look forward to all the things to come, and let it rest.  That doesn't mean the end of a friendship right?!

No comments: