Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Side Tracked by Rudeness

I did my chakra cleanse yesterday, focus on the crown chakra, color violet.  But was continually distracted by thoughts that kept creeping in my brain.  I have thought about this for a couple of days now and need to get it out there and release it.

Why is it OK for people to tell you what they think you are doing wrong, what you need to change and in a rude way on top of it all, when not even asked.

I have pretty much cut myself off of the national unschooling lists.  Really I don't enjoy that kind of dialogue.  I prefer more intimate groups, living my life, being in a community of like minds, sharing our ideas, passions, stories, watching our children grow and mature.  That is my setting, where I feel most comfortable.  I am on a statewide unschooling list, and know many of the unschoolers on the list, IRL.  I am on a couple of state wide homeschooling lists as well.  Always enjoy meeting new people.  And I tend to be one to meet you on an equal playing field, I feel that we all do things differently where homeschooling is concerned, but we have so much in common as well.  Kind of "to each his own", sort of thinking.

A couple of days ago, I was specifically asked on one of the more general homeschooling lists, what we did for unschooling.  Not an uncommon question at all, I am used to that and answer by sharing what the boys and I are "into" these days.  Well another mom, not the one asking the question, chimed in with a LONG e mail. She was replying to my e mail so mine showed up underneath her response.  This woman said how she has a schedule and courses for her daughter because she did not want to limit her daughters options later in life with her parental choices now, or non choices.  Yes she used that word (non choices).  Of course implying that our unschooling is completely thoughtless.  She went on to say that her daughter wants to go to college and yes SHE knows unschoolers go to college, but her daughter wants to go to a prestigious college.  Again implying that unschoolers or more to the point, my boys, will never go to any sort of "real" college.  Her e mail went on and on, and no she did not use my name.  And I don't even know her other than this post.  But, since I was the only unschooler asked and the only unschooler to respond and she was replying to my e mail, it was obvious who she was responding to. 

I just didn't even have the energy to respond to her.  I wanted to crawl back into my bubbly of joy.  I didn't tell her that my boys haven't even mentioned college, but if they ever do, I have the confidence that they will be able to achieve whatever it is they set their minds to.  I didn't go on to tell her that our choice to unschool was very thoughtFULL.  I didn't go on to poke holes in her theory, or explain my beliefs about unschooling.  What would be the point. 

But why did she even feel the need to respond that way at all.  I mean I didn't.  I didn't say anything about the more school at home crowd, as I know it is a homeschool list and a lot of those on it are more school at home.  I just explained what we do in our home.  Why don't people feel that being a great example of what they are doing and how they are living is the best way to "tell" someone the benefits of that philosophy.  Why do some feel that they need to try to tear holes in what you are doing, point out why they feel it is wrong for anyone and everyone, and will lead most assuredly to Hell, if I even believed in Hell in the first place. 

Does this mom believe that by answering one person's question, everyone on that list will all of a sudden start unschooling, come on we live in the south.  LOL. 

I will continue to share our unschooling lives, will continue to ignore those that are rude, and thoughtless.  I will simply be the example of how we live, and let our joy stand for itself.  Let people continue to ask questions, and answer in the only way I have the energy to answer....by sharing our unschooling lives, by letting people look for themselves at works for us. 

OK maybe now I can get back on track with my chakra meditation, let it go and let it be. 

3 comments:

Beachbum said...

Welcome back to the joy-full life.

Pagolesher said...

In my experience, most people who feel it necessary to tear another person (or another's choices) down, are threatened by them - jealous, maybe, or just plain scared to have that much self-empowerment and faith.

I try to remember that the path they walk on is so different from mine, that I must be terribly frightening (I imagine them thinking, while looking at me, "There, but for the grace of god, go I").

Most people can't think in the long-term, and that is really what unschooling is. The belief that given enough time, all things will work out for the best.

Kathy said...

I'm sorry that had to happen to you. Over the years I've become more quiet about our unschooling because it mostly seems to get negative reactions. I just don't need to defend myself anymore. The sad part of that is that I might not bring it up with someone who could be interested in unschooling.

With my youngest child possibly heading off to one of those "prestigious" colleges next year I guess this won't be an issue much longer. And he didn't have to do school at home to prepare to go to that college.