Wednesday, July 7, 2010


I was just looking at my boys today and thinking how they have grown. I guess moving through life with them I don't see the changes on a daily basis. They are now almost 16 and 13, two teenagers, amazing, as I still feel like a teen sometimes myself.

The other day I heard mention of "the rebellious teens" on TV. I can't even remember to what it was in reference, but I had not really thought of that. I remember hearing, some years ago, about the "terrible twos". I guess we have all heard that phrase. But that never happened. We never went through that "phase" through which so many toddlers seem to pass. My boys are each very different, and have had their own challenges they have had to navigate. Jackson and I have been there every step of the way to help in any way we could, and we still are and still do. But it is more a progression of life, ever evolving as they explore the world around them experiencing new and different things, as they grow and mature. But the "terrible twos" was never a phase in our lives. Is it just that we look at things so differently, parent differently? I have no idea as this is all we have ever known, I have no point of comparison.

So I think about the rebellious teen idea and sit with the thought. Can you rebel if there is nothing to rebel against? Is there always something to rebel against? I don't know the answers to these questions. We have seen nothing of the "rebellious teen" phase so far. I think we will just keep on doing what we are, loving, laughing, connecting, and exploring together as a family and as individuals within a family. If anything, as the boys get older, I think our relationships have deepened. We talk about all sorts of topics, they come to me (us) with thoughts, idea, problems, concerns. We have always been open with the boys, talked with them, acknowledging that they thoughts, ideas and concerns are important and have an important place within our circle. So my gut feeling is that our relationships will continue on this same path and we will move through this world in peace, trusting in the love and connection we have. For today the idea of "rebellious teens" is a thought, one that is quickly leaving my consciousness. Maybe someday I will sit back and think about it again, as I have the "terrible twos". But for now it is life.


Terry said...

Oh Pam, what a beautiful relationship you have with your boys. I don't honestly remember either of my kids being "rebellious teens". I think it was because we spent so much time with them playing sports, boating, fishing and all the family things. You truely are great parents and envolved in every aspect of your children's life, and at the same time giving them the freedom to grow as individuals.

~Karen said...

We haven't had rebellious teens here either. I had two young adults, one teen and one not there yet. We do have some teen "stretching their wings" kind of stuff but I think that is different. I am not sure how much is having a different perspective or just there not being so much to rebel against. And it seems to me that we are closer than the typical teen/parent where the lives are really rather separate if one goes to school all day and the other goes to work.

Kate said...

Pir didn't have the terrible twos either. In fact, he was a much happier kid once he hit two - the teething had settled down, he was no longer collicky and he was ambulatory on his own.

The parents in our swimming class that had kids that "all of the sudden" were in the terrible twos were parents who had certain expectations for how their kids would be. If all of the sudden the kids started asserting their own will, expressing their own desires and interests, the "good" baby they had been got swept out the window. It was clear that the parents saw their children more as a reflection of themselves than as individuals. It struck me at the time that the terrible twos were a function of the parents perception of what their children should be like, not who the children really are. I revelled in Pir's ability to assert himself and be more independent. Maybe the terrible twos and the rebellious teen are reactions to families who have a fundamental need to control their family image. Destructive behavior has many causes, one possibly being reacting to a rigid family who are failing to see the individual they have brought into the world.

Anna, David, Afton and Raelin said...

Pam, They are so big!! Do they both have short hair now?! We are loving each moment here too. Things are changing for my girls as they grow but our connection is strong and I love hearing all the juicy details :) ~Anna

Pam Genant said...

Anna, they are both so big, Phil is my height now, and Dallen towers over me, LOL. Phil has short hair, Dallen's is pulled back.