Sometimes I wish I wasn't so introverted, that I could easily mingle in a crowded room and not think about all the people I don't know, about how crowded it is, and that I can't find my space. Sometimes I wish I could be out there, talking with people and not have it zap my energy, but instead fill me up.
But in the end I am an introvert. I do enjoy mingling and talking, but it does zap my energy. The last few weeks have been busy, conference to help organize and pull off, friends coming over. Boys who are social. But today I just feel like pulling back, and hibernating for a while. So if you push through that and continue to get out there...does it go away? That feeling of not wanting to see another person, outside of immediate family, for a while. Will it ease up and I will come out of my shell more and feel more comfortable in those situations? Or is this just who I am? I have accepted it as just who I am for so long, and am happy this way. I like my solitude once in a while. I enjoy the comfort of those I love.
So if I am happy is there a need to change? I don't feel like I need to change other than that little twinge of guilt for not wanting to socialize right now. I know this feeling will pass. The quiet time I have at home will fill my cup back up to overflowing, and I will feel like meeting people, talking, going out etc. But for right now in this moment....I think I know what I need. And will just curl up with a cuppa chai, my knitting and a good movie. The boys are happily playing together. Maybe read to the boys later on this evening, or play a game, or perhaps both. No pressure to chat, no pressure to be a good hostess. :-) Just me being me.