Wednesday, August 12, 2009

In the end I'm an INTROVERT

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so introverted, that I could easily mingle in a crowded room and not think about all the people I don't know, about how crowded it is, and that I can't find my space. Sometimes I wish I could be out there, talking with people and not have it zap my energy, but instead fill me up.

But in the end I am an introvert. I do enjoy mingling and talking, but it does zap my energy. The last few weeks have been busy, conference to help organize and pull off, friends coming over. Boys who are social. But today I just feel like pulling back, and hibernating for a while. So if you push through that and continue to get out there...does it go away? That feeling of not wanting to see another person, outside of immediate family, for a while. Will it ease up and I will come out of my shell more and feel more comfortable in those situations? Or is this just who I am? I have accepted it as just who I am for so long, and am happy this way. I like my solitude once in a while. I enjoy the comfort of those I love.

So if I am happy is there a need to change? I don't feel like I need to change other than that little twinge of guilt for not wanting to socialize right now. I know this feeling will pass. The quiet time I have at home will fill my cup back up to overflowing, and I will feel like meeting people, talking, going out etc. But for right now in this moment....I think I know what I need. And will just curl up with a cuppa chai, my knitting and a good movie. The boys are happily playing together. Maybe read to the boys later on this evening, or play a game, or perhaps both. No pressure to chat, no pressure to be a good hostess. :-) Just me being me.


Wenwe said...

Why change? Do you need to feel something different? Do you perceive your introverted-ness as "less" than an extrovert? You are amazing. You know how to fill your cup and find joy in what you do and yet your call to reach out and make the world a different is strong.


Pam Genant said...

I don't feel Introverted-ness is less than, but I would love to know what it feels like to be comfortable in social situations.

Wenwe said...

me too. If you get there let me know.

ann Ceraldi said...

I think I'm basically introverted also. I love nothing more than being home with my kids and animals on our little farm. My husband doesn't understand why I don't like going out to dinner with new people, going to holiday parties etc, but I don't. Not that I have a "bad time" when I do go, I just don't enjoy it like I enjoy being home. I feel like my time is my most valuable possession--I can't ever get more of it, so I should spend it wisely, and not waste it on activities that don't add to my life. I think society frowns on people who prefer not to socialize, like we're serial killers in the making, or at the very least abnormal in some way.

Libertine said...

You gotta have your alone time. Our introverted brains work in a fundamentally different way from our extraverted counterparts. I understand what you mean about social interaction zapping your energy. Perhaps you would benefit from reading some Jung, if you haven't already. Reading his writings on the personality types really lit me up and helped me understand myself much better.